Pills and Powder

The pub was fairly quiet the other night and I didn't stay long. Slider came in for a whisky but said he had to go and check the guttering on Mrs Hooper's house. I pointed out that he should do it in the daytime as it would be far easier and safer but he replied her husband would be asleep during the day as he works nights.
Very considerate of the old boy I thought.
I finished my pint and went back to the Hall. I parked at the front as I knew I would be leaving early the next morning and so I went in the front entrance and through into the main hall and lobby. Bugger me if I didn't nearly shit myself as I went inside and turned on the lights and was met by the biggest snarling bastard of a badger I have ever seen ! I grabbed an umbrella from the stand but realised just in time that it was in fact a stuffed badger that my grandfather had shot and preserved for all to see.
Raggy, the butler had found where I had stashed all these poxy creatures and has continued to place them all over the house just as they were in my grandfathers day. I don't mind but it can be unnerving to say the least.
The night before I went up just after midnight, got into bed, turned on the reading lamp and was shocked to see a bloody Meerkat staring at me from the dressing table. I thought I was either dreaming, pissed, or had forgot to renew my car insurance.

I am told that due to his success the other night, Col has been asked back to The Bull to play another gig. Apparently he's looking at performing some new, more up to date songs to appeal to his new, younger audience. He's looking at covering such classics as 'Smack My Bitch Up' by the Prodigy and Electric Six's 'Gay Bar'. He's also meant to be doing a cover just for Pilly of Carter USM's 'Sheriff Fat-Man'.
However, he has been asked not to take any more little blue 'perfomance enhancing' pills as some members of the audience found it rather disturbing to see Col play his guitar and the keyboard at the same time.

Still no sign of Lumpkin which is all a bit odd. Having said that, I've just got a wonderful bottle of Taylor's 10 year old Tawny in so I'm rather enjoying it at my leisure as opposed to necking it to keep up with the old scrote. I wonder if he is seeing that little number from the smoke or if he's stoating around somewhere else where there's a bit of skirt ? Wherever he is at present, the ladies aren't safe, that's for sure. For the time being however, my bottle of port is.

Kipper, the gardener, has been busy in the old potting shed near the greenhouse. I asked him how the tomato plants were doing and he said they were fine but mustn't be disturbed under any circumstances so I was to keep away from the greenhouse. I must say he's really protective over his plants and I admire his enthusiasm. It's all rather refreshing as for years he has just trudged around the grounds, pulling the odd dandelion root, planting the occasional row of potato's and that's about it. His new gusto and vigour is certainly welcome. He has fitted a new door to the potting shed also which has been a job needing to be done for a while now. I'm not sure that a steel door is totally necessary but its good all the same. I was going to have a peep inside to see how he was doing but he said that it was extremely dangerous as he was cleaning up the old aphid and insecticide treatments, which would account for the white powder all over his jumper. His friends from the plant nursery were good enough to collect all the old bags of aphid powder and said that they would be able to sort out the good from the bad. I must say that it's quite a relief as getting rid of such chemicals these days is a nightmare and if they have a use for the old stuff, good luck to them as I wouldn't know what was good or what was bad and they obviously have a far better nose for such things.