Dear Jim...

Well it's certainly been a busy winter but quite a wet one. I've had a nice time here and there but it's always nice to be home. There's been lots to keep me occupied what with various sporting activities.
There have been a few changes, some for the better, others only time will tell.
My cook, Richard, is still here but leaves us in the summer as he has got himself a job in a top London restaurant. His flatmate, the Welsh girl who's name I cannot pronounce nor understand, is doing stirling work and the place looks cleaner than ever. I find rather than entering into conversation with her, a quick smile or nod seems to suffice.
Raggy is still pottering around the place and moving stuff once the cleaner has moved it to hoover up.
They don't really get on but haven't come to blows yet although Raggy did apparently threaten to tazer her with a stream of hot piss from his incontinence sack. I don't honestly think he would do it but I'm not losing a fiver on it.

Pilly had a bad stroke of luck earlier in the year when an electrical fire caused his latex and rubber adult toy factory to burn to the ground. The official report said that it was due to the charging point on a 'Black Mamba' overheating and setting fire to a box of 'Graybo's Giggle Eggs'.
I was one of the first on the scene as I was returning from The Bull and it really was a sight to see.
Now, as much as it was sad to see Pilly's business go up in smoke, I must admit that I do enjoy a good flash-up. It really was a sight to behold with all that rubber going up in flames. The pall of black smoke rose high into the night sky and the flames were like a burning well in Kuwait. I don't think I could have created a better fire with a couple of old lorry tyres and a drum of red diesel.
It wasn't just me however that was enjoying the sight, I saw the Silver Fox watching as he stood beside his car and he was hopping from foot to foot with excitement like some kind of turd flinging chimp.
If they hadn't found a cause for the fire, I would have had serious suspicions about him being there.
Mind you, how ironic that Pilly has a fire which they were unable to put out and he owns some of the wettest land in the country...

With spring finally arriving (well, the snow has almost gone) it seems to have put everyone in the frame of mind to have a clear out. Kipper, my gardener has been clearing out his shed ready for some more pot plants, Raggy has cleared out the attic of yet more stuffed animals and placed them around the house so going for a morning mud-out is now like going on safari. I'm never sure if I am going to wipe my arse on andrex or an aardvark.
I noticed that the Bishop has also been spring cleaning and has been quite thorough about it too.
He had a skip outside the vicarage which was full of all sorts of old memorabilia from his charity fund raising days. I had a quick nosey as I went for a glass of sherry the other afternoon and there were several old invitations to Stoke Mandeville hospital, a couple of shell suits and a signed picture of the chap who used to do Jim'll Fix It.
I told the Bishop he should put them on that E-bay thing as I am sure they would make lots of money, what with them being celebrity articles and all that but he muttered something about them having to go quickly. Seems a shame as that Jimmy Savile chap was always a big hit with the kids.
Still, the Bishop does this sort of thing every now and then. I remember a year or two back when he dumped his entire collection of Gary Glitter memorabilia.
Come to think of it, he dumped a nearly new laptop computer too...