I'm not sure what drivel I was about to sit down and watch the other evening when I heard the doorbell ring. Raggy by now had gone to his quarters and so I got up to go and see who it was. It wasn't late but it was past supper time so I was a little surprised to have anyone calling.
I opened the door and turned on the light to see Lumpkin stood there with a suitcase. I asked him in, shut the door and then asked if he was alright ? He replied that he had never been better, that he had broken off his engagement from that "old foreign piece" as he put it and had decided to come and visit me for a couple of days before heading out to the Ardennes for some sport in the forest.
We sat down, I made a pot of tea and he told me all about it.
Apparently things were marching on with wedding plans etc and old Lumps got the feeling that his fiance wasn't so much getting married because she was in love but more to do with getting herself set up in a secure home and being financially free of her father. Lumpkin on the other hand was hoping that she would be the key to her fathers wealth therefore setting him free financially, the upshot being that he realised she was only in it for the money, as was he and neither one was playing in the same direction so he called it off. She was devastated when he told her (not that he was breaking off the engagement but that he didn't have as much money as she thought) so she went off on one and within a week had met and got engaged to a slaughter house proprietor from Harrogate.
Anyway, Lumpkin looked happy and said he had been able to keep the Mercedes as a 'seperation gift'
Jammy git.
The next day found me sat on the lawn drinking my morning tea when a car pulled up and a chap got out and approached me holding a piece of paper.
He introduced himself as the candidate for one or another party canvasing for local votes.
Before I could tell him that I wasn't really interested, he asked me what I would say if I knew that the French were trying to stop foreign trade which would affect British jobs. He told me that our rights were being handed over to Brussels and red tape etc was strangling our everyday rights to do as we pleased.
I perused his leaflet and then told him that I long for a country which has little red tape, has a government that stands up for its people and looks after the interests of it's native workers.
His face glowed with agreement right up to the point I told him that I had just returned from such a country and that it's name was France.
I do hope he wasn't counting on my vote or in fact nor was any other party.
I intend to take out an ad in the local paper and maybe even The Times to find some new staff.
I still need a cook and my old cook's housemate has said that she wants to return to Wales to further her career as a nanny. She had trained in such work before she was caught by her previous employer, in bed with her employers husband, going at it at a fair pace.
Apparently that's not the done thing, even in Wales.
So, I shall probably place three adverts, one for a cook, one for a cleaner and one who can help Raggy around the place. Bless him he does try his best but he can no longer make it up the stairs and by the time he has got to the front door when somebody calls, they have either left or died.
Last week we had some Jehovah's Witnesses knock at the door and by the time Raggy had answered it, they had converted to Buddhism.
Saturday 14 June 2014
Sunday 5 January 2014
Breaking Back
Another year has gone by and as always it seems to have gone quicker than the previous one.
So what has changed ? Nothing really. Everyone seems to be going about their business as usual with the exception of one or two changes.
Richard, my cook, has got his dream job in a London restaurant and is doing very well apparently. He was a nice lad and I enjoyed all that he served up. His flatmate, the Welsh girl is still here cleaning and cooks me the odd meal when I am not dining out, which is nice. I still have no idea what her name is nor how to pronounce it but she does a good job and has learnt to cope with Raggy quite well.
On the subject of Raggy, I was concerned back in the autumn that he may have to retire as he had become very agitated and always had a pained look about him. I thought he may be going senile (well, more than usual) and that we might have to look into getting him moved into sheltered housing.
A few weeks later I found him slumped in a chair in the conservatory and I truly believed that he had collapsed and died but he saw me come in and smiled and was happier than I had seen him for a long while. It turns out that his discomfort and pain had arisen when he had discovered a family pack of Mini-Cheddars in the pantry and had eaten 7 packets in one go. The Mini-Cheddars had set like concrete in his bale chamber and he was unable to pass anything through his knotter for three weeks.
He reckoned that he had been drinking syrup of figs for a fortnight and that morning he had felt a gurgle and finally he managed to pass what could only be described as a 'spectre'.
It took him two days to clean the toilet and a further day to clean 'Hiroshima Wall Shadow' off the paintwork.
Kipper has been very busy in the garden and the summer made his efforts really shine through. The flowers looked great and he got the garden dug over before the end of autumn which looked like back breaking work.
I thought he would find it difficult to stay occupied over the winter months but he bought himself an old camper van and stripped it out. I think he might be turning it into a catering waggon or similar because he seems to have the vent in the roof producing a lot of smoke at times so I assume he must be cooking something. I also think he might be looking to grow some Bonsai tree's this year as well as he has bought a lot of glass beakers and flasks which I assume you need to grow them like a mini green-house ? I have heard they are difficult to grow and I presume they must require fairly potent sprays and chemicals too, hence Kipper going in and out of the shed wearing a respirator and chemical suit.
I don't know how he manages to buy all this stuff on his wages but he has never asked for a raise and despite me asking if he needs anything he said he is fine and makes more than enough.
He made that Crystal clear.
So what has changed ? Nothing really. Everyone seems to be going about their business as usual with the exception of one or two changes.
Richard, my cook, has got his dream job in a London restaurant and is doing very well apparently. He was a nice lad and I enjoyed all that he served up. His flatmate, the Welsh girl is still here cleaning and cooks me the odd meal when I am not dining out, which is nice. I still have no idea what her name is nor how to pronounce it but she does a good job and has learnt to cope with Raggy quite well.
On the subject of Raggy, I was concerned back in the autumn that he may have to retire as he had become very agitated and always had a pained look about him. I thought he may be going senile (well, more than usual) and that we might have to look into getting him moved into sheltered housing.
A few weeks later I found him slumped in a chair in the conservatory and I truly believed that he had collapsed and died but he saw me come in and smiled and was happier than I had seen him for a long while. It turns out that his discomfort and pain had arisen when he had discovered a family pack of Mini-Cheddars in the pantry and had eaten 7 packets in one go. The Mini-Cheddars had set like concrete in his bale chamber and he was unable to pass anything through his knotter for three weeks.
He reckoned that he had been drinking syrup of figs for a fortnight and that morning he had felt a gurgle and finally he managed to pass what could only be described as a 'spectre'.
It took him two days to clean the toilet and a further day to clean 'Hiroshima Wall Shadow' off the paintwork.
Kipper has been very busy in the garden and the summer made his efforts really shine through. The flowers looked great and he got the garden dug over before the end of autumn which looked like back breaking work.
I thought he would find it difficult to stay occupied over the winter months but he bought himself an old camper van and stripped it out. I think he might be turning it into a catering waggon or similar because he seems to have the vent in the roof producing a lot of smoke at times so I assume he must be cooking something. I also think he might be looking to grow some Bonsai tree's this year as well as he has bought a lot of glass beakers and flasks which I assume you need to grow them like a mini green-house ? I have heard they are difficult to grow and I presume they must require fairly potent sprays and chemicals too, hence Kipper going in and out of the shed wearing a respirator and chemical suit.
I don't know how he manages to buy all this stuff on his wages but he has never asked for a raise and despite me asking if he needs anything he said he is fine and makes more than enough.
He made that Crystal clear.
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