St. Lucia or Saxthorpe ?

Lumpkin appeared the other afternoon as if he had just nipped out for some milk and was full of the joys of spring. Apparently he and his fiance had been away in Italy. He told me all about the wonderful food they had eaten while over there and I started to feel hungry and wanted to tell him about my culinary disposition but thought better of it as it only made me more hungry.
He said they had been discussing venues for the wedding and that his fiance wanted to get married in a little beach chapel in St. Lucia but that he wanted to get wed in the church in Saxthorpe where he grew up. She then pointed out that as her father would be paying for everything, she thought it only fair that she chose the venue and also who was invited.
I couldn't help thinking that Lumpkin may well be on a hiding to nothing with this old bird but said nothing to him, after all he seems happy and he is obviously getting a spoon-full of delights.

Wednesday evening saw me attending a dinner party at an old friends house. I hadn't seen him for a year or two and it was good to catch up. It was also nice to sit down to some decent food and relax a bit. We sat after dinner when the women had retired to the sitting room and chatted about what we had been up to and things that had gone on recently. He then told me that he had bought and sold a bit of property and that he had just sold an old wine bar in town which he bought from the previous owner who was unable to pay the mortgage and the new chap wants to turn it into a lap dancing club and casino...
I asked who the chap was but he said he was dealing through solicitors but I was sure that it was indeed the Silver Fox.
So, he was back.
Well, as long as he stayed in town, it wouldn't matter but I thought I would let the Bishop know when I got the chance.

Last night saw me in The Bull for a pint and I ended up chatting to Hilly and a few others. He was telling me how his wife had now stopped having sex with him and so I said that it was a pity but Hilly said no, it was great - he could now exercise his calf muscles on a regular basis in the bathroom without having to 'attend to the old dragon' as he put it.
Takes all sorts I suppose.
Pilly bought me a pint and was telling me that Internet sales of his Adult toys or 'rubber bollards' as he calls them have soared. He has just bought a new injection moulding machine to keep up with production and to lower his overheads. He said that on the whole, things were going up and up and I suspect he didn't just mean his material costs...
The night ended with Dusty bent over the bar trying to suck the drip-trays dry with a straw. All that happened was that he got wedged between the Wherry and the Old Speckled hen pumps, tried to wriggle free but ended up spraying his own head with Diet Coke. He then laughed, hicupped, farted and made the taxi driver, who was waiting to take Hilly home, wretch and throw up over the juke box.
Apparently Dusty was still asleep on the bar when they locked up.
So, another week gone by with only one decent meal to speak of, the rest mainly being take-aways and soup. However, I saw an advert in the paper shop the other morning which was offering domestic services, cooking and cleaning etc so I might give it a call later. You never know, it might be some tasty young piece who is looking for some extra income and will brighten up the place with her charm.
More than likely be some manky old biffer who enjoys sniffing through peoples pant drawers...